"When God Writes Your Love Story"

We all want love. It is the driving force, engraved and embedded in our hearts to love and be loved and to seek that perfect soulmate. It only makes sense because, "We love because he has first loved us." (1 John 4:19). But what does "waiting for the one" look like now?

We live in a society where love is cheapened, sex is casual, and it seems like sleeping around and speed dating have become the norm. However, as a Christian, I am not satisfied with this mediocrity. How do we understand love from a Christian perspective, and furthermore, how do we act out this kind of love in a world in which love is no longer appreciated? Chivalry seems dead, and waiting for the "one" is long and hard. It's disappointing and a constant let down. Guys seem disingenuous, and even though you seem to be doing all the right things, the right one just doesn't seem to show up.

First we need to understand love, where better to look than the author of love Himself? He sacrificed and He loved. Dying on the cross for our sins was the act of perfect love itself. Elizabeth Elliot says that "It is impossible to love without great sacrifice." A real approach to relationships is selflessness, putting one before the other. But now what? How do we go about this? How can I prepare myself?

1) Wait. (Psalm 91:1-2, Lamentations 3:25, Isaiah 30:18)

This is probably the hardest.

How is this incorporated with our position towards guys? Well, let me make this simple. You are not on the prowl for guy attention, your position is quiet submission to God. I can not tell you how desperate and unflattering this makes girls appear when they pine away for male attention. A lot of girls feel the pressure to "make something happen" because they feel like this one "is the one," but spare yourself the heartache and trust in the Lord. He has your future in store, and sometimes it is even more beautiful than you can imagine.

Elisabeth Elliot, (who is one of my favorite authors,) puts waiting in perspective in her book, Passion and Purity. She writes: “I realized that the deepest spiritual lessons are not learned by His letting us have our way in the end, but by His making us wait, bearing with us in love and patience until we are able to honestly to pray what He taught His disciples to pray: Thy will be done.”

Embracing God's will is crucial in this waiting process. It teaches us to lean on Him alone, what we think is right for us, may not in fact be what God wants.

2) Grow and Be Ready

Preparing yourself for a future relationship is also a difficult task. Chad Eastham in one of his books talks about the two extremes that we as girls can be. He asks, "Are you a target or a treasure?" Meaning, do you advertise yourself, or are you someone who modestly presents her body? There's a huge difference. Some girls feel the need to be an advertisement in order to get immediate affirmation or love from a guy. Immediate gratification is easy when a guy is willing to give it to you right then and there. But isn't something that tastes good so much more worth it when it is saved and preserved, and not devoured right away? The same is with your purity and dignity. Save it, for someone special. Don't casually throw it to the wind.

I named my blog post after the title of a book by two of my favorite authors, Eric and Leslie Ludy. Here is one of my favorite quotes from the book.

"When God knows your ready for the responsibility of commitment, He'll reveal the person under the right circumstances. Wait patiently. Don't waste your time searching and wishing. Grown and be ready. And you'll see, God will give you a love story far better than you could ever dream of."

Singleness doesn't need to look like a gap or a void in your life. Embrace it as a time to be intimate with your savior. Use this time to draw closer to Him and prepare to be the treasure that someone will have one day. And when the road looks rough, remember that He knows what he is doing. And while you wait-- continue growing and be ready.

3) Surrender (Jeremiah 10:23, Psalm 9:10)

Lastly, you are not in control. This can either be a constant struggle or a huge relief. But God is writing your love story, and perhaps one of the hardest things in life is letting him have the pen. But part of the beauty of our relationship with Christ is that He is in complete and utter control.

But why do we love? What is the meaning of this? Why wait?

Tim Keller, in his book The Meaning of Marriage, explains it precisely. He says:

“Within this Christian vision of marriage, here's what it means to fall in love. It is to look at another person and get a glimpse of what God is creating, and to say, "I see who God is making you, and it excites me! I want to be part of that. I want to partner with you and God in the journey you are taking to his throne. And when we get there, I will look at your magnificence and say, 'I always knew you could be like this. I got glimpses of it on earth, but now look at you!”

Another perspective of love is written by Elisabeth Elliot. She says in her book Let Me Be a Woman, that "Love knows no limits to its endurance, no end to its trust, no fading of its hope; it can outlast anything. It is, in fact, the one thing that stands when all else has fallen.”  If we are going to take this to the throne, as Tim Keller says, then love can outlast anything, because we will live eternally with a God who created love, who is love. 

So is it worth it? To wait for someone? Don't let the norm of casual dating, casual sex and shallow romance scare you. Crave something more--something deeper. Wait for someone where God is first and foremost in his/her life, where God's work in him/her is evident and transparent. Wait for someone who when you see them, you are able to say, "I want to be part of that. I want to embark on this journey with you, the journey we are taking to His throne." 

And no, true love on this earth will never be a fairytale ending. Until we are united with Christ it will always be a struggle.

We will never have it down, we will never get it perfect. But true love acknowledges that. True love is going to go through trials and difficulties, it's the result of sin. But it is also such a beautiful eternal thing. "True love is an experience forged in the fire of life. It is a lesson in patience and perseverance, with rewards that last a lifetime."

Unfailing Love

Do you know what is exhausting? Living your life trying to please man, trying to be loved by man. Because we are sinners and can't love one another perfectly. No, not even that perfect relationship you crave will give you that perfect love you desire. But do you know what is amazing? We have a God who can offer this to us.

Let's start in the Old Testament. God has always been pursuing his people, since the beginning of time. Failure after failure, trial after trial God still relentlessly pursues the Israelites even after they forsake him time and time again.

In Exodus 19:4 God says, "You yourselves have seen what I did to the Egyptians, and how I bore you on eagles wings and brought you to myself." Even when the Israelites denied an intimate fellowship with God, he still pursued them relentlessly.

Besides the people of Israel there are other various individuals whom God also pursued.

Job is one example. After having everything taken away, God did not leave him. Job cries "He has redeemed my soul from going down to the pit, and my life shall look upon the light." (Job 33:28) The story of Job, in the words of Elisabeth Elliot, shows how "God's story never ends in ashes." He is with us to the end.

The story of Jacob is one of God's relentless pursuing as well. In Genesis 32:26, Jacob says, "I will not let you go unless you bless me." The chapter is about him wrestling with God, and it wasn't until that night that he realized God's great and un-ending love for him--and he surrendered.

Jacob, Job, and the Israelites were not the only people who benefited from God's unfailing love. There was Noah, Samuel, Enoch, and David. The list could go on and on. There is a pattern in the Bible of God's consistent and evident love,  and a relentless pursuit of his people. It is mind boggling. How can such a powerful God have so much love for us?

David in the Psalms proclaims: " When I look at your heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars, which you have set in place, what is man that you are mindful of him, and the son of man that you care for him?" (8:3)

It is simply un-fathomable. The God who owns the stars wants MY heart. Wow.

My purpose in going back into the early history of the Bible is to show that our God is the same as He always has been. He is the same yesterday, today, and forever. (Hebrews 13:8)

In your life you will experience difficulties, failures, triumphs, joys, and sorrows. It’s inevitable in a world full of sin. But what a comforting thing to know that God's love is endless. When people fail you, when a relationship doesn't work out, or a friend lets you down, you can still know the HE loves you with an endless love. He has bought you. He has died for you.

For a while, I had a mindset that resorted to one of two things. Extreme vanity or self-loathing. I spent an un-healthy amount of time trying to be a people pleaser, sought affirmation and social status. It was a tiresome battle.  Then I realized I can never be loved perfectly by the people I'm surrounded by. But when I realized the depth of true love, perfect love, only offered by my savior, I was more than ok with that.

Tim Keller says it best. "To be loved but not known is comforting but superficial. To be known and not loved is our greatest fear. But to be fully known and truly loved is, well, a lot like being loved by God. It is what we need more than anything. It liberates us from pretense, humbles us out of our self-righteousness, and fortifies us for any difficulty life can throw at us."

We are fully known and loved by the God of the universe. If that isn't comforting then I don't know what is. He has shown his faithfulness throughout the ages. The creator of the universe wants you--and there is not anything you can give him but yourself.

Beauty in His Eyes

What is beauty? Is it the feeling I get in the mirror, and validation I get from what others think of me good or bad?

Beauty now has been re-defined to fit the world’s standard. It is the magazine cover of the perfect body; it is to achieve the impossible. It is nearly perfection. It is a leading falsehood that causes a lot of self loathing, comparison, and discontent.

Let me make this standard more personal. For the longest time I fell for that trap of un-realistic beauty, and it frustrated me and left me empty. I thought beauty was being the most beautiful girl in the room, and getting male attention etc. And this was an exhausting battle I could never win. It always seemed like someone was prettier than me. And so I surrendered.

Then I started paying attention to people. What made me attracted to them? What drew me to the people I loved and respected? What made them beautiful? People were most beautiful when they talked about something they loved with passion in their eyes. When they laughed and loved. There was something else that radiated past any physical beauty, and I envied it. And then I realized---it was Jesus seeping through their eyes, lips, and lives. It was then when I realized the essence of true beauty, it doesn’t start outward, but it begins inward. The people that are the most beautiful are the ones who radiate Christ and glow with a passion for him.

From then on I wanted to enhance my inner beauty. Of course I still take care of myself and like to look beautiful because I love dressing up and feeling pretty, but it is no longer a priority, and it is definitely not what reflects me. How do you do this though? Soak yourself in the scriptures. Spend time with the one who created beauty, the author of perfect beauty. Train yourself to let your affirmation come from Him. But first let's talk about the different kinds of beauty.

When I think of beauty, most often I think of the distinction between earthly beauty and righteous and pure beauty. I speak specifically of earthly beauty and Godly beauty, because the desires of one is wrong and the other is not. The desire to pursue God is good and righteous, a beautiful thing. The desire to pursue physical beauty for solely your happiness and affirmation is wrong. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be beautiful. I enjoy putting effort in the way I look, I'll admit it. But when it turns to envy and discontent that's when earthly beauty is disease. And that's where it hit home with me.

To be more explicit, earthly beauty was to me that magazine cover in the shopping line. That perfect photoshopped unrealistic body that I craved. And it was the false hope of happiness it guaranteed once I had it. It was never going to be good enough for me. No shade of lipstick made me feel as pomp and glam as I wanted. I just fell short--I wasn't Miranda Kerr and I sulked because of it. As shallow as it sounds--the world gave me this false sense of beauty. And I was un-happy. However, I am not trying to bash beauty such as makeup etc. I'm simply linking a discontentment to putting so much effort in it, and not enough on God. And I was truly unhappy in finding my worth in something other than Him.

Beauty is something sacred in the Bible, but not a means of fulfillment. It is a gift that God has given us, not an idol. In Ecclesiastes 3:11, Solomon recognized this. He acknowledges beauty and writes that, "He has made everything beautiful in its time." Also, in Song of Solomon, Solomon rejoices in his wife's beauty. (4:7) Outward beauty is a gift, but it should not validate us, there is much more. It should not be the main thing we aspire for because it will never make us happy.

Peter knew the value of internal beauty while also realizing the external. In Chapter 3 of 1 Peter he says, "Do not let your adorning be external, the braiding of hair and putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear-but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle an quiet spirit which in God's sight is very precious." (1 Peter 3:3-4)

There is usually a misconception here that Peter is policing what women should or not do with their hair, but what he's really concerned with is their attitude. This is KEY. It is who we ARE as Christians that make us beautiful. The combination of faith, love, and righteousness in the Lord is what is beautiful. The outward adornment is of a lesser thing, and it can still be present, but true beauty should come from within.

So how do we do this? How do we find joy in our inner beauty, true Godly beauty? How do we stop comparing ourselves to the world? By spending time with God. Worshiping him. In simply doing the good works God has commanded of us. Because this is an opportunity for God to shine through you and use you. This is beautiful. We will not experience true joy until we have immersed our lives with His. And then you will find yourself less and less wanting surface things because you are so grounded and content in Christ, something so eternal. Of course it won't be perfect and you'll be tempted, but you have a perfect savior to turn to. But I promise you, start spending time in His word and you will come to realize this peace that surpasses all understanding that only he can give. In Philippians 4:7 Paul talks explicitly about this peace, only found when we rest assured in him.

And no good works are not what win us favor and salvation in God's eyes, we already have it. Ephesians 2:1-9 makes that very clear. Good works are simply out of thankfulness and love for a God so gracious. If we love God, we will obey his commandments. (John 14:15). And those things are lasting, because you can practice them your whole life and get so much contentment and joy out of knowing that you are serving your creator. And these acts of thanksgiving and humble service are what make the people of God something beautiful. To know we have a God who loves us so much we can't help but repay him.

At the core of our being is a longing for something more. We were made for Christ, to love and serve Him, and when we try to find affirmation in things apart from Him, we feel empty. But it is never to late to come to him. He wants all of you. (Jeremiah 33:3) The key to true beauty is realizing that Christ is a necessity. Let Him use you, radiate through you. And as soon as you have that realization, everything you do will be done for Him. And that? That is beautiful.

A Legacy of Hope

We're driving down the old crumbly dirt road of Rehobeth Alabama, and it's hard not to get sentimental. There's really no reason to go back now. I had packed my black dress for the second time. It seemed like yesterday we were driving this same stretch for Mogee's funeral. A month and a week after, Papa Louis was buried beside her. It's hard to put into words what's in my head, the memories are only so bittersweet. The screen door to their house still screeched every time I opened it, but it's not the same. 

Mom said the house would be on the market soon, and we all consented but the only thing I won't sell is the memories I have. They can't take that away. The house echoed a little from missing furniture, and missing picture frames.  I heard the rumble of voices going through their stuff and talking about the "good days." I took a letter I had written Mogee, folded it in my hand and didn't take anything else. I then walked outside. The porch swing in the front provided some solitude and time to think.

When was the last time I was here? No, really here. With both Mogee and Papa Louis--like it was supposed to be. It was in the heat of August--I remembered. When your hair stuck to the back of your neck in the Alabama heat, and the lightning bugs danced in the twilight.

A week prior to that August visit. I had my first heartbreak. Nothing really can prepare you for that. All you can do is hope that the pain would ease a little, and pray you never have to go through it again. I knew Mogee would love on me and convince me with her words that everything was going to be ok, and still tell me to find God's faithfulness in this situation, and she did. I didn't cry much because I already felt drained, but when I sat on the couch she told me something I had heard many times before but it rang true even more now. "If God brings you to it, he'll bring you through it." In that old country home, Mogee meant more to me then she had in my entire life. She was loving, kind--she was hope. And from then I acknowledged this heartbreak as a part of his plan. "Lord this is yours, do what you will."

Then the first wave of peace came I have probably felt in my entire life. I was driving down the same old stretch of country road behind their house, and listening to "Worn" by Tenth Avenue North." It played through my very veins and tears streamed down my face and I was truly humbled. The words continued. "A song can rise from the ashes of a broken life, and all that's dead inside can be reborn." Hardships shape us, form us, make us. And we must learn to embrace hardships as an opportunity to glorify HIM even more. That day, on that very road--I made a decision. Was I going to let this heartbreak define me? Or refine me? Of course I chose refine. But I am helpless on my own. So Lord you refine me. Make me new.

Then senior year. I had to focus on studies and my future. It was a tough year, but filled with memories and hard work. Two weeks till graduation mom got the call. Mogee had passed away in her sleep. I didn't cry right away, because it hadn't hit me. But when it did, it did.

I spoke at her funeral. I pulled out a poem I wrote her at age 12, dusty and old. I read it first. Then I swallowed my tears and unfolded my short speech. I read it, but it wasn't enough to explain the legacy that she left behind--the impact she had on so many lives. The impact she especially had on me during that tough time in August. The blank faces I saw in the pews each had their own struggles I knew, but here I was--a living testimony of her words. God brought me through my hardship. He had refined me. He delivered me--even by using sweet people like my precious Mogee to encourage me, to provide hope. That when we face trials, it's not the end. But a beginning.

You Are a Canvas

What is weakness? I looked up a couple of definitions online, and one said "the state or condition of lacking strength." And this is weakness, in the literal sense. Most people look at their weakness or flaws as a defect, something that needs to be removed or fixed. Perhaps you have wondered, "How could God use someone like me?" Maybe you feel an in-ability because of lack of education, or spiritual gifts. But here's where this "weakness" becomes a beautiful thing.

God doesn't look at you any different, in fact he sees you in your fullest potential.  “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. (2 Corinthians 12:9) We are called to be humble, and magnify the glory of Christ. We must humbly admit that we are broken sinners, and in need of a Savior. Instead of worrying that you are not good at something, pray instead, “Lord use me.” Oswald Chambers said it best: “Tell God you are ready to be offered and God will prove Himself to be all you dreamed He would be.”

Christ’s strength is made perfect in your weakness because you will realize that the glory goes ALL to him, and not man. I leave you with one last quote. “Our weakness is a vessel for His power and our flaws a canvas for his grace.” (Author unknown.)

You are a Palace

I'm sitting in bed listening to John Mayer, both excited and tentative about writing my first blogpost. I am also wondering why it's suddenly so much harder to type out my thoughts. I usually make it a ritual habit to journal before I fall asleep, and it feels strange to let computer keys take away my thoughts. Nevertheless, I will keep writing.

I figured I'd start with a little something from one of my favorite authors, C.S. Lewis. He has inspired me in so many ways, and coming across one of my journal entries, I found one of my favorite quotes written by him that I had copied down.

"Imagine yourself a living house. God comes in to rebuild that house. God comes in to rebuild that house. At first, perhaps you understand what He is doing. He is getting the drains right and stopping the leaks in the roof and so on; you knew those jobs needed doing so you are not surprised. But presently He starts knocking the house about in a way that hurts abominably and does not seem to make sense. What on earth is He up to? The explanation is that He is building quite a different house from the one you thought of; throwing out a new wing here, putting on an extra floor there, running up towers, making courtyards. You thought you were going to be made into a decent little cottage, but He is building a palace. And he intends to come live in it Himself." - C.S. Lewis

 This is SO huge. We go through trials with the idea that it's un-comfortable, painful, and hard, and indeed it may be, but Christ is preparing us for a palace that is FAR better than any earthly joy.

Who am I to doubt?? "The Lord will fight for you, you need only be still."(Exodus 14:14) Wow I am speechless. The fact that a God so great would take the time to restore ME. Every trial is an opportunity to say--"God is at work in this house--in me. "

So let Him work. Let him make you into something beautiful, even though you don't understand it at the moment. Embrace trials. Instead of cringing at them, rejoice. Because God is working. A trial is not an end, but a beginning. It is a glimpse at God's work within you.