We all want love. It is the driving force, engraved and embedded in our hearts to love and be loved and to seek that perfect soulmate. It only makes sense because, "We love because he has first loved us." (1 John 4:19). But what does "waiting for the one" look like now?
We live in a society where love is cheapened, sex is casual, and it seems like sleeping around and speed dating have become the norm. However, as a Christian, I am not satisfied with this mediocrity. How do we understand love from a Christian perspective, and furthermore, how do we act out this kind of love in a world in which love is no longer appreciated? Chivalry seems dead, and waiting for the "one" is long and hard. It's disappointing and a constant let down. Guys seem disingenuous, and even though you seem to be doing all the right things, the right one just doesn't seem to show up.
First we need to understand love, where better to look than the author of love Himself? He sacrificed and He loved. Dying on the cross for our sins was the act of perfect love itself. Elizabeth Elliot says that "It is impossible to love without great sacrifice." A real approach to relationships is selflessness, putting one before the other. But now what? How do we go about this? How can I prepare myself?
1) Wait. (Psalm 91:1-2, Lamentations 3:25, Isaiah 30:18)
This is probably the hardest.
How is this incorporated with our position towards guys? Well, let me make this simple. You are not on the prowl for guy attention, your position is quiet submission to God. I can not tell you how desperate and unflattering this makes girls appear when they pine away for male attention. A lot of girls feel the pressure to "make something happen" because they feel like this one "is the one," but spare yourself the heartache and trust in the Lord. He has your future in store, and sometimes it is even more beautiful than you can imagine.
Elisabeth Elliot, (who is one of my favorite authors,) puts waiting in perspective in her book, Passion and Purity. She writes: “I realized that the deepest spiritual lessons are not learned by His letting us have our way in the end, but by His making us wait, bearing with us in love and patience until we are able to honestly to pray what He taught His disciples to pray: Thy will be done.”
Embracing God's will is crucial in this waiting process. It teaches us to lean on Him alone, what we think is right for us, may not in fact be what God wants.
2) Grow and Be Ready
Preparing yourself for a future relationship is also a difficult task. Chad Eastham in one of his books talks about the two extremes that we as girls can be. He asks, "Are you a target or a treasure?" Meaning, do you advertise yourself, or are you someone who modestly presents her body? There's a huge difference. Some girls feel the need to be an advertisement in order to get immediate affirmation or love from a guy. Immediate gratification is easy when a guy is willing to give it to you right then and there. But isn't something that tastes good so much more worth it when it is saved and preserved, and not devoured right away? The same is with your purity and dignity. Save it, for someone special. Don't casually throw it to the wind.
I named my blog post after the title of a book by two of my favorite authors, Eric and Leslie Ludy. Here is one of my favorite quotes from the book.
"When God knows your ready for the responsibility of commitment, He'll reveal the person under the right circumstances. Wait patiently. Don't waste your time searching and wishing. Grown and be ready. And you'll see, God will give you a love story far better than you could ever dream of."
Singleness doesn't need to look like a gap or a void in your life. Embrace it as a time to be intimate with your savior. Use this time to draw closer to Him and prepare to be the treasure that someone will have one day. And when the road looks rough, remember that He knows what he is doing. And while you wait-- continue growing and be ready.
"When God knows your ready for the responsibility of commitment, He'll reveal the person under the right circumstances. Wait patiently. Don't waste your time searching and wishing. Grown and be ready. And you'll see, God will give you a love story far better than you could ever dream of."
Singleness doesn't need to look like a gap or a void in your life. Embrace it as a time to be intimate with your savior. Use this time to draw closer to Him and prepare to be the treasure that someone will have one day. And when the road looks rough, remember that He knows what he is doing. And while you wait-- continue growing and be ready.
3) Surrender (Jeremiah 10:23, Psalm 9:10)
Lastly, you are not in control. This can either be a constant struggle or a huge relief. But God is writing your love story, and perhaps one of the hardest things in life is letting him have the pen. But part of the beauty of our relationship with Christ is that He is in complete and utter control.
But why do we love? What is the meaning of this? Why wait?
Tim Keller, in his book The Meaning of Marriage, explains it precisely. He says:
“Within this Christian vision of marriage, here's what it means to fall in love. It is to look at another person and get a glimpse of what God is creating, and to say, "I see who God is making you, and it excites me! I want to be part of that. I want to partner with you and God in the journey you are taking to his throne. And when we get there, I will look at your magnificence and say, 'I always knew you could be like this. I got glimpses of it on earth, but now look at you!”
Another perspective of love is written by Elisabeth Elliot. She says in her book Let Me Be a Woman, that "Love knows no limits to its endurance, no end to its trust, no fading of its hope; it can outlast anything. It is, in fact, the one thing that stands when all else has fallen.” If we are going to take this to the throne, as Tim Keller says, then love can outlast anything, because we will live eternally with a God who created love, who is love.
So is it worth it? To wait for someone? Don't let the norm of casual dating, casual sex and shallow romance scare you. Crave something more--something deeper. Wait for someone where God is first and foremost in his/her life, where God's work in him/her is evident and transparent. Wait for someone who when you see them, you are able to say, "I want to be part of that. I want to embark on this journey with you, the journey we are taking to His throne."
And no, true love on this earth will never be a fairytale ending. Until we are united with Christ it will always be a struggle.
We will never have it down, we will never get it perfect. But true love acknowledges that. True love is going to go through trials and difficulties, it's the result of sin. But it is also such a beautiful eternal thing. "True love is an experience forged in the fire of life. It is a lesson in patience and perseverance, with rewards that last a lifetime."
