Aligning Our Waiting To His Will

As I walked into an empty restaurant just a few days ago, I went to the counter to ask for a refreshment of water. The young man obligingly served me a glass of water, and I noticed him looking at my left hand.  To my surprise, he then asked me if I was married. Of course a whole host of answers entered my head, but the word that popped into my mind first was "wait."

Man was not made to be alone. In the very first breaths that the new creation took, Adam was given a companion. God gave him a wife, Eve, and since the beginning of time we've had an inborn desire for fellowship. More explicitly than the body of believers, we want a more deep, more intimate relationship, an individual to "leave and cleave" to (Genesis 2:24), a partnership for life, a celestial contract that points and reflects to the beauty and oneness of Christ and his bride.

However since the fall and through the trudge of mankind and marital decline this kind of love has seemed more accessible, but less gratifying. Our waiting has turned to wanting, we are hard pressed to find what satisfies in the moment, we allow ourselves to hurt on the basis of the wrong affirmation. We see our singleness as a void, not a gift.

But waiting and singleness is good. 

To wait is to essentially expect, anticipate, and long for. Notice that the word "wait" implies the knowledge that something better is in store. In Isaiah 41 the prophet says, "I wait on the Lord," and then the promise follows: "He will renew their strength." The hope is that the weakness will become strength. Waiting implies a promise yet to be fulfilled.

Yet in today's society, the beauty in waiting has been lost, we want the good now. We fill that Christ shape hole with man after man. The word purity and patience has lost its sweetness when we can simply Facebook message that cute boy we "kind of know." Social media has redefined this waiting. Our desire to be known superficially by man cancels out our inborn desire to be loved by God. We replace hope with lust. Our hearts our broken easily, our vulnerability thrown to the wind. When love can just be handed over to us, we take it. Our hearts are not centered, in fact they have wavered.

So what then does Biblical singleness and waiting look like?

1) Singleness is making Jesus the obsession of your heart.

As hard and as temping as it is, it is not perusing our male options. It is not singling out that strong, good-looking, Christian man in church. It is a will singularly aligned to God's. It is a heart obedient to Him, not enslaved to affection and attention. We need to wane our hearts to yearn after Him, not empty validation.

Elisabeth Elliot states in her book Passion and Purity that "By trying to grab fulfillment everywhere, we find it nowhere." Understanding that our fulfillment cannot be met by  men, we must run to Christ. Leslie Ludy says that, "Until Jesus is the obsession of your heart, you will always be looking to mere men to meet the needs only He can fulfill. Only when you make Jesus Christ your true love, will you be ready for a love story that reflects His glory." A relationship without Christ first and foremost is just going to be two people looking in each other for what they can only find in Christ. A mature relationship is the realization that the other cannot fulfill every waking desire, only Christ can meet every need.

I see it again and again, people enter into relationships when there is really no permanent commitment in sight. Motives, desires and goals are all out of line, we just want to be able to have someone to love us, someone to post on social media about so we can have that Instagram couple status. Having affirmation, someone to love gives us as humans as sense of belonging and purpose. Relationships however cannot, as another blogger puts it, serve as "placeholders." Unless you are sold out on Jesus, you are not ready for a relationship. Don't date just to temper that urging desire to be loved. Christ will take care of that part for you.

And I will not lie, male affirmation feels good. It boosts my ego to have a guy I don't know ask me for my number, or say that I'm pretty in public. But the feelings we get from being told we are pretty by a cute guy is not lasting! The comment's impact on us dies away, and we are looking for the next guy to give our sense of worth meaning. It's tiring, because when we get used to male affirmation and have none, we think there is something wrong with us.

But there is not. God strips away everything sometimes to give all of Himself. Your sense of beauty is not measured on the male scale. As soon as you surrender all your insecurities to Christ, He will fulfill you in a way that no earthly man can. Focus on Jesus, zero in on Him. And when you are ready for a man to be in your life, you won't look to that person solely as your means of affirmation, because you already have it.

Love is a good thing, having a man in your life is a good thing, and a thing ordained by God, but there is a difference in looking to a man for a sense of identification and a sense of affirmation versus in Christ. There's a difference between making loving a man the obsession of your heart verses loving Christ with your whole heart. 

2) Marriage is not the answer.

In light of this however, we must understand that marriage, and finding love is not the end goal, it is not the end all be all of the Christian life. I have often heard the mutterings of "Oh once I have a husband all will be well," and even I am tempted to think that having a husband to love me will solve all of my problems too.

Elisabeth Elliot addresses this issue, and again, she says it best. She and Jim Elliot wrote letters back and forth during the waiting period before their marriage. Jim, in a letter once said bluntly: "Let not the longing slay the appetite of living." Elisabeth Elliot then points out there are in fact a lot of women, "wanting to slay the appetite of living. They are not throwing their heart and soul into the will of God for today, because they are simply dying inside for something that God has not given them."And what God hasn't given singles in this case is marriage, yet.

As Christians, God's will for us is Sanctification, becoming more like Him. We will be tested and tried, single and unmarried. Marriage is the glory of Christ and His Bride on display, a gift that God allows us to partake in, not a right. The "appetite of living," so to speak, and all that God has given us cannot merely be enjoyed only if you are married. That being said, do not see your singleness as a handicap, or your life on pause. It is still a channel for God's plan to take place in your life.

John Piper  says that "Both marriage and singleness demand the most serious and solid biblical insight. These are realities that affect every area of our life and thought. We cannot settle for superficial pep talks. Our lives cry out for significance. And significance comes from seeing ourselves the way God sees us. Including our singleness."

Our significance cannot solely be found in marriage, or in another person. God sees us in our full potential on our own, no matter our status.

3) Singleness in action is service.

Waiting is an active form of trust, not sitting around and doing nothing.

Elisabeth Elliot was asked about her singleness after forty one years. She responds that it was a gift, not one that she would choose, in fact not one that many women would choose. But then she reminds us that we don’t choose our gifts, we are given them, by Christ.

She concludes by saying: “it is within the sphere of circumstances He chooses for us — single, married, widowed — that we receive Him. It is there and nowhere else that He makes Himself known to us. It is there we are allowed to serve Him.”

Christ wants us to receive Him in the circumstance that we are in. In marriage, receive and serve Him, in singleness, receive and serve Him.

4) Singleness is good.

I did eventually respond to the man at the counter, saying, "It's a promise ring,"  to which he responded, "What's that?"  I was creeped out, so I removed myself from the situation. But in my head, I went over my response. The ring was a reminder not only to stay pure until marriage, but also a reminder of God's faithfulness. He has someone out there already created for me, and it is just a matter of time and space before I meet him. God is preparing both of our hearts for that day, his, for leading me, and mine to submit. Naturally though, that doesn't rule out the loneliness tinged with that excitement and expectation.

But singleness is beautiful, it is good.

One of my best friends Brooks once said that singleness is a good thing because it really allows us to grow close to the Lord. It teaches us to rely on Him fully. That does not mean that once the Lord puts someone in your life you will stop, or should stop, growing in the Lord, it just means you simply continue to grow in Christ more as a result of being with that person.

But the good in waiting ultimately relies in a confidence in God's plan for us.

In Psalm 84:11 it says "No good thing does He withhold from those who walk uprightly." This means that the good you think you need might not be the good that God has intended. If He doesn't withhold good, then your circumstance now is your good. That means finding goodness in every difficulty, finding joy in every trial.

No matter the circumstance, God is using it to grown you closer to Him, in singleness or in marriage.

But for now, I am single, and it is good. 

Here I am, Send Me.

It is the cutting of the soul, the sharpening of the mind, the molding of the heart. This is what Jesus' Word has done to me. It breaks me and humbles me. But lately I've felt myself distant from the Word, experiencing a kind of spiritual drought. I have just begun my freshman year of college, have a career in view and I am surrounded by wonderful friends and family. Yet, with the world seemingly at my fingertips, with everything I could ever possibly want, something was lacking.

In the evenings, I try always to have "Jesus time." It is a sanctified, happy time for me, consisting of my "Jesus" playlist on Spotify, my big ESV bible and a crisp new sheet in my devotional journal. I am hungry, I thirst for truth.

But these past months I have been parched.

I have been living for myself, my own values and my own ideals. I have been caught up in the display, the idea of a Christian, falling short and feeling incapable of the cross.

Pictures of seemingly happy, granola/hipster, beautiful God-loving girls on social media made me rethink and analyze my life. I wasn't doing "enough," I told myself. I was quick to point out my inconsistencies and my short comings.

She went on 8 missions trips, I've only been on two; she has more bible verses on her Facebook wall...what if people think I'm not serious about my faith? What if I'm no different from almost every other nineteen year-old girl? What has Christ really done for me?

Stop.

"Enough"? Will we ever do enough? When will we ever be enough? Never. Grace is an invalid, unnecessary thing if we could somehow do all the good works, and claim the prize of eternal bliss with God because of what we've done.  God sees you as a broken, incapable human being, dead in sin, (Ephesians 2) unwilling to call out to Him, or choose Him on your own. (John 15:16, Ephesians 1:3-14, 2 Timothy 2:10) The gospel has never been because of anything we can do. This story, it's not about us, it's about Him. Giving ourselves any credit lessens His power, and gives us a tad bit of the glory that He completely and fully deserves.

Because of this, my lifestyle is then out of thankfulness and obedience. God has not called me to be lukewarm, and live a mediocre lifestyle. But this doesn't mean I have to go drastic measures. I don't have to climb mountains and cross valleys to worship him. God challenges us in all sorts of ways, He is revealed in many different avenues. Each individual's relationship with God is not determined by the magnificence of their elaborate Christian lifestyle. It is the heart, but it is also the willingness. But that willingness means self sacrifice, the laying down of self. Dietrich Bonhoeffer states this self sacrifice as it is: "When Christ calls a man, he bids him come and die."

Christianity is not something that is beautiful and easy all the time. And this is where my faith fell short. I was too busy being focused on the beauty, but when pain struck I was confused and felt further from God--when His very intentions were to bring me closer.

Francis Chan says it best:

“It is true that God may have called you to be exactly where you are. But, it is absolutely vital to grasp that he didn’t call you there so you could settle in and live your life in comfort and superficial peace.”

Being a true Christian means meeting life head on, whether messy or beautiful. It is grasping the idea that this earth is not our home, so until we arrive home we will be restless and wandering. And, some days, it may feel like we are wandering a little more.

But we must seek God in all. If we seek Him only when are desperate, He may keep us in desperate circumstances, until we learn to lean completely, wholly on Him.

The beauty of Christianity is its internal nature, what it does to our hearts, next transforming our lives. But our social media isn't a resume for our Christian walk. Of course it can be an asset, a good display--but for me it had become a selfish platform. I'm not at all condemning social media and I use it probably more than I should. It just shouldn't be the source of you Christian walk that validates you.

However, if you find yourself uncomfortable, sad, depressed and comparing your lifestyle to others and feeling discontent, this is the Holy Spirit's groundwork. Jesus is teaching you to lean on Him alone, and sometimes he strips away our earthly joys to focus on a more permanent everlasting joy. Yet we can only grasp at this now. We can only imagine, but one day we will behold Him face to face. (1 Corinthians 13:12)

This is the journey, this is the beauty of Christianity. But in order to be filled, we must first be empty.

I linked my distance from Christ as my reluctance to fully rely on Him in every circumstance, both the highs and lows. I ignored pain and didn't let it take its full effect. I looked at sadness as a parasite, not an opportunity. It is easy to throw my hands up and praise him when the days are good, but when the days are bad they should extend even higher. But we should be so seeking the Lord, so steadfast in Him that nothing that happens can shift our steady gaze.

It is ridiculous to think God could possibly have any limits. He has so much work to do in each of our lives and he is not near finished yet. Christianity is the journey, the life long quest to become more like Christ. This means the giving of the self, because Christ gave himself, the ultimate example. And giving hurts, giving is inconvenient. But it is also rewarding, and fruitful.

In all this, we should have one goal. One like Elisabeth Ellior writes about in her book: Through Gates of Splendor. 

"I have one desire now, to live a life of reckless abandon for the Lord, putting all my energy and strength into it." -Elisabeth Elliot

This reckless abandon, this life Elisabeth Elliot portrays is described as "reckless," because being a Christian is reckless. Being a Christian is dangerous. It is living out of our comfort zones. It is picking up your cross, leaving all selfish ambitions behind, it is the complete giving and surrender of self.

However, giving up of the self seems impossible sometimes in a world of hurt. There's the pain, the sufferings, the tribulations that run us dry, make us seem incapable. However, these are all things that point, and paint the picture for us of our beautiful savior. He fills in our cracks, our broken pieces, he makes us whole. As C.S. Lewis puts it in his book Mere Christianity, there are two options:

"Give up yourself and you will loose your real self. Loose your life and you will save it. Submit to death, death of your ambitions. Submit with every fiber of your being, and you will find eternal life. Keep back nothing. Look for yourself and you will find in the long run only hatred, loneliness, despair, rage, ruin, and decay. But look to Chrsit, and you will find Him, and with Him, everything else thrown in."

But God didn't intend to leave us in the dark. He is beside us, spurring us on in the gentlest of ways, guiding us in love. And he wants all of you, he asks nothing but yourself. So pick up your cross. Follow, don't hesitate.  Keep following, keep trusting, keep giving.

This is the job, the life long duty of a Christian. Listen for His call, and be willing to drop everything. Cry out to Him, He listens. Eternity is around the corner. Have a face so fixed on Him that you are willing to confront anything. Because with Christ you are a conqueror, you are brave. You are an eternal creature in an passing, ever dimming world.

You cannot conform your will to the will of God by just simply desiring to. It takes action. So come, live! To death with all your selfish ambitions, because instead you will find life. And when you find it, whatever, wherever this world takes you, whatever God asks of you, you will be able to say with all trust and confidence,

Here I am Lord, send me.

Trophies of His Grace

I stand now, astonished, amazed. When I thought I was drowning, He was cleansing. I was so underserving, but God was so relentless. In the darkest year of my life, He had a valuable lesson He wanted to teach me. He broke me to be rebuilt by Him.

No one can prepare you for your first heartbreak. It shakes the temporal nature of this world, it accentuates the dust, the reality of death, the reality of the idea of "loosing."

I'm about to get really real and raw right now. I was really hurt last summer. And I swore I would leave this heartbreak in the past, and never talk about it, but truth is reader, there's beauty, much beauty in it. Because with God, there is this thing called redemption.

"Heartache" is no exaggerated term. My heart ached. It is a vacant empty feeling, like a hole in your chest. People told me that heartbreak was more than a mental thing; it takes a toll on your emotions in a way that I didn’t know was possible. And reader, some days it was so easy for me to give up, asking, "God why me?" But then again I remembered who I was asking. So I was "not to become weary in doing good, for at the proper time, I would reap the harvest if I didn't give up." (Galatians 6:9) But the harvest was more beautiful than I expected. In fact, God showed me a garden of promises. Never ending love. The weeds of brokenness and darkness were being reaped into life.

Corrie Ten Boom, a true woman of the faith, wrote in her book, The Hiding Place, a quote that has changed my whole perspective on love. She writes:

“Do you know what hurts so very much? It’s love. Love is the strongest force in the world, and when it’s blocked it means pain. There are two things we can do when this happens. We can kill that love so that it stops hurting. But then of course, part of us dies, too. Or we can ask God to open up another route for that love to travel.”

This was no easy task. I would not just ignore this “blocked love.” I realized, like Corrie Ten Boom, that this was in fact a perfect route for perfect and holy love to travel. I dug my heals in the word, prayed, and cried. This was my battleground. This was God saying, "Hannah, I wasn't at the center of your life. And that needs to change." He was slowly and painfully piecing me back together.

My constant prayer mimicked the hymn "Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus." I asked, I pleaded for my unsteady, unstable gaze to be fixed upon Him.

Such sweet simple words:

"Turn your eyes upon Jesus, look full in his wonderful face. And all the things on earth will grow strangely dim, in the light of His glory and grace."

I sang it again and again in my head.

Before all of this, my best friend Amy texted me one morning," If you are not completely focused on God, completely sold out on Him, then He will take away whatever it is that is distracting you." That day, the morning of the text, my relationship with this guy was over. Looking back, I get literal chills. Because God did just that. He took away what took me away from him.

It's been a year, a year and three months. And now I know exactly why God let me experience such a cruel heartbreak. I extend my hands and my heart, and I allow God's grace to sink into my very bones. I want to cry out in joy and thankfulness. And even on days when I struggle, I still thank Him. Life is this crazy adventure, and there is beauty, heartbreak, both depths and heights, and God is in it all. I see him so clearly in everything. In the golden sunrises, in people, in the stars, and even in the mornings when my body won't get out of bed. I see Him in the way the moon lights up the mountains, in the way the waves crash upon the shore. I see him in everything. He has made beauty from ashes. He has turned my mourning into a song. (Psalm 30:11)

Time and tenderness have torn down and rebuilt my walls. Love and forgiveness have reshaped my heart and mind. Jesus has restored me. I experienced an earthly heartbreak, but experienced true love firsthand. He broke me to be rebuilt by Him. And His love is far greater than anything I've felt or experienced. And no, His is not the tender kiss or the grasp of a hand. But by one torn and afflicted, put on a wooden cross. The kind that shouts above my wrongdoings, and triumphs over my broken heart.

All along, even when I felt empty, He was filling me up. HE was preparing me to surrender to an even greater love. Love itself. The God of the universe was telling me that I was looking in all the wrong places. CALL to me, He said, and I will answer.  (Jeremiah 33:3) In every dark corner, in every valley, He promised to be there. And He was. Pursuing an earthly love showed me that earthly love is never, never the end goal. Happiness, true happiness is encompassed in an eternal mindset, the glance towards heaven. A heart residing in the everlasting lover, who's love is unconditional, unfathomable, and forever.

Here are some of the most beautiful words ever written:  "We must accept the idea that heartbreaks and hurdles are trophies of His Grace rather than secrets to be buried." This. This is the true calling of the heartbroken. To accept. To shout, to claim God's love over their own brokenness, a love that is lasting and permanent.

What now? To all the girls like me, who have been heartbroken, you have had an opportunity. No it is not a mistake. God can use you. You are more aware, you are more cautious. You know what it is like to be hurt, but now you know what it's like to be known and sought after by God. And choosing that great, great love of your father over your brokenness has become a beautiful channel to let His mercies flow. Heartbreak is a canvas. It is a way for hope and redemption to be shown. It is the breaking down of the self. The realization of the dependence on Christ, the need for His strength. It is the molding and shaping of a heart directed towards Him.

So it is possible to love someone again?

Yes, yes, and yes!!  It would be ridiculous to assume that your mistakes make you "damaged goods" or no longer worthy of a man's love. Christ looks at you, the sinner that you are, but takes you. Completely. All of you, as you are. If someone isn't willing to look past your mistakes, ask yourself if they really know who Christ is.

You are a treasure. You were died for, and that will never change. One day, when you look someone in the eyes and say, “I do,” it will not be because you have had a perfect and pure past. No, not because you are blemish free, and no not because you are completely and wholly loving all the time. It is because you are worthy. Though stained, you were washed. Though broken, you were healed. It is because you have been bought with a price. And that perfect picture of love displayed by Christ will one day be reflected by a man standing in front of you.  He will not be able to love you perfectly, but he will mirror Christ's love for you as best as he can. And granted there will be dark and hard days ahead, but the two of you share a universal need for a greater love in your life. It will point, shape and direct you both. It will grow you, humble you, and show you to lean on Him alone. And that? That is a true love worth finding.

But until then, your calling is to keep chasing Christ. Fully, wholly. This beautiful world, this beautiful life—is His gift to you and me. And I am firm believer, that everything happens for a reason. I leave you with this: “To think you can be loved by God without being changed by Him, is to think you can jump into the oceans and not get wet. To really love Him, you must understand that your life is going to be wrecked by Him, and built again into something beautiful, something lasting.”

To be wrecked by God, is one of the most beautiful things my soul has encountered. I’ve learned to really love, and that love has showed me that there are second chances, and new tomorrows. He has changed me, and showed me what I want from life now. Because of this wreckage, I know what it is like to turn around and make messy beautiful.

Heartbreak is surrender, not defeat. It is saying, "Yes Lord. Take these empty hands and use them for you." And you will see, that even in the lowest of lowest,

He will be exalted.

His.

It is a rare thing: a love so selfless, so ravishing that it consumes our very being. This is what Jesus' love at work in our lives looks like. It is not often that we can behold such a selfless, ravishing love like Jesus's in this life. Most often it fails, disappoints, and leaves an un-sasitifed hunger in the stomach that can't be satiated. But that of Jesus--this love defies all others. It is lasting, eternal, unworthy of all other earthly loves. It is a love so great, displayed on wooden beams, afflicted and smitten for our sins. It is the mere grace and mercy of our Lord, not anything we can do. It is written on every flower, every skyline, and evident in every breath we take. God's love is infinite.

How often we loose the gravity of this! Our souls become weary, and we loose our sense of rest. In my numerous and feeble attempts of life on my own, I have discovered that  failed attempts at love show the necessity for a love that demands greater. And God is a jealous God and shows nothing suffices other than His love. He uses our heartbreaks and failures to redirect our paths. He invades our lives and comfort zones to show us that we are not living for Him. And in moments fading like the sun, we find that we are but weak on our own.

How do we go about this life not transfixed? We are often bored and limit ourselves to the drab duties of our day-to-day lives, when the love of God could be dangling from our lips. We are still satisfied with mediocrity when God's death makes us alive. Alive. The one who put the stars in place has left it open for us to worship Him. Christ is here! He wants all of you, your doubts, fears, and dreams. We allow our weary bones to take refuge in other things, and won't allow our mouths to cry out, "Father!" because we don't acknowledge our need for Him. But in Him is life. In Him is possession. We are His.

And just to demonstrate this great love, He came to earth and became man. Sacrificed and humbled himself down to the level of humanity. Hungered, thirsted, cried, walked and lived like us. (Philippians 2:8, John 1:14, John 6:38) Then He bore what was rightfully ours on a cross, pouring out all His love for us. And with the words "It is finished!" he cried out in final anguish. The ability to run broken, to Jesus's saving grace fromm that moment is now unhindered. It had been paid in full in that moment. The debt mankind owed is eliminated.

We raise our empty hands, and allow Christ to fill us completely. The weight of your sin was on His bloody shoulders and on those bloody beams. And he did this because he loved us. Our finite humans minds cannot comprehend this kind of love. But we believe, and we trust, because this grace is irresistible, and we are now His.

But how does this truth transform? Jesus died for the past, present, and future. He died for a relationship with you. Joy should overflow within you so that you can't help but rejoice. But lo, sin. It taints the world, steals joy, disappoints and hurts. We refuse to look towards the King and instead dwell on our mistakes and failures. We often forget that He has put us in every season for His purpose.

Yet even with this purpose, we so often we still find ourselves in the position of the "weary soul." We cry out in distress and try every avenue to channel our pain but God. And this is why we are hurting. (Jeremiah 31:25) Because we were made for Him and nothing else. He fills the void He created. As our King, He made us to worship Him and only find contentment in Him. And some days it may feel like we are going nowhere, but take heart. Because "I know that everyday the Lord is dancing over me, turning my feeble steps into a mighty march for His glory." And in our weakest moment, God shouts over our weary bones, "I have overcome!" (John 16:33)

 God wants us to seek joy in our place in His story. Charles Swindoll wrote once: "The devil, darkness and death may swagger and boast, but the pangs of life will sting for a little longer, but don't worry; the forces of evil are breathing their last. Not to worry...He is RISEN!"

Because of this truth, God is challenging us to be remarkable. He is preparing us for this new life. Through our trials we come out as stronger, braver and bolder. (Romans 5:4) Seeking God doesn't promise a primrose path. But it's through the journey that makes us who we will become.

So take heart. Your life has purpose, direction, fulfillment, even when everything seems to be going wrong because you are His, and you are His forevermore. What comfort. What joy.

Like Job, even when we've experienced every possible kind of hurt, we still have this assurance, because we are not our own. "I know that my redeemer lives, and in the end He will stand on the earth." (Job 19:25)

"Because weeping my tarry for the night, but joy comes with the morning." (Psalm 30:5)

So when I am overwhelmed by joy Lord, be there. When I am low and weary of heart be there. You have brought me through trials I never thought I'd overcome. You taught me that YOU are love. Yearning for something all these years--it's led to you. You kept my head above water when my body begged to sink. What a joy it has been to see your love following me through every dark corner, and with every sunrise a new opportunity. This kind of faithfulness, through the good and the bad, reminds me why following a God like you is so rewarding.

I am not on my own. Seeing Jesus in my life gives me confidence that I've never had before. It transfixes me. It leaves me in awe. That the sustainer of this universe would come down in human form so he could have my heart. This. This gives me reason to dance. To live, pray, laugh and love.

So on hard days, don't give up. And on harder days, press on. Because He is preparing you to be remarkable. Wave after wave, storm after storm, He is constant. He loves you. He hurts when you hurt, he rejoices when you rejoice. But most of all, He loves you with an earth shaking love that only you can claim. So when days tarry on, take heart. Jesus has made himself available. He is forgiving, and you are forgiven. He died to talk with you, be with you, and lead you.

He is all knowing and all loving. He is one man, one act of love. And you are cherished, sought after, and irrevocably

His.

"When God Writes Your Love Story"

We all want love. It is the driving force, engraved and embedded in our hearts to love and be loved and to seek that perfect soulmate. It only makes sense because, "We love because he has first loved us." (1 John 4:19). But what does "waiting for the one" look like now?

We live in a society where love is cheapened, sex is casual, and it seems like sleeping around and speed dating have become the norm. However, as a Christian, I am not satisfied with this mediocrity. How do we understand love from a Christian perspective, and furthermore, how do we act out this kind of love in a world in which love is no longer appreciated? Chivalry seems dead, and waiting for the "one" is long and hard. It's disappointing and a constant let down. Guys seem disingenuous, and even though you seem to be doing all the right things, the right one just doesn't seem to show up.

First we need to understand love, where better to look than the author of love Himself? He sacrificed and He loved. Dying on the cross for our sins was the act of perfect love itself. Elizabeth Elliot says that "It is impossible to love without great sacrifice." A real approach to relationships is selflessness, putting one before the other. But now what? How do we go about this? How can I prepare myself?

1) Wait. (Psalm 91:1-2, Lamentations 3:25, Isaiah 30:18)

This is probably the hardest.

How is this incorporated with our position towards guys? Well, let me make this simple. You are not on the prowl for guy attention, your position is quiet submission to God. I can not tell you how desperate and unflattering this makes girls appear when they pine away for male attention. A lot of girls feel the pressure to "make something happen" because they feel like this one "is the one," but spare yourself the heartache and trust in the Lord. He has your future in store, and sometimes it is even more beautiful than you can imagine.

Elisabeth Elliot, (who is one of my favorite authors,) puts waiting in perspective in her book, Passion and Purity. She writes: “I realized that the deepest spiritual lessons are not learned by His letting us have our way in the end, but by His making us wait, bearing with us in love and patience until we are able to honestly to pray what He taught His disciples to pray: Thy will be done.”

Embracing God's will is crucial in this waiting process. It teaches us to lean on Him alone, what we think is right for us, may not in fact be what God wants.

2) Grow and Be Ready

Preparing yourself for a future relationship is also a difficult task. Chad Eastham in one of his books talks about the two extremes that we as girls can be. He asks, "Are you a target or a treasure?" Meaning, do you advertise yourself, or are you someone who modestly presents her body? There's a huge difference. Some girls feel the need to be an advertisement in order to get immediate affirmation or love from a guy. Immediate gratification is easy when a guy is willing to give it to you right then and there. But isn't something that tastes good so much more worth it when it is saved and preserved, and not devoured right away? The same is with your purity and dignity. Save it, for someone special. Don't casually throw it to the wind.

I named my blog post after the title of a book by two of my favorite authors, Eric and Leslie Ludy. Here is one of my favorite quotes from the book.

"When God knows your ready for the responsibility of commitment, He'll reveal the person under the right circumstances. Wait patiently. Don't waste your time searching and wishing. Grown and be ready. And you'll see, God will give you a love story far better than you could ever dream of."

Singleness doesn't need to look like a gap or a void in your life. Embrace it as a time to be intimate with your savior. Use this time to draw closer to Him and prepare to be the treasure that someone will have one day. And when the road looks rough, remember that He knows what he is doing. And while you wait-- continue growing and be ready.

3) Surrender (Jeremiah 10:23, Psalm 9:10)

Lastly, you are not in control. This can either be a constant struggle or a huge relief. But God is writing your love story, and perhaps one of the hardest things in life is letting him have the pen. But part of the beauty of our relationship with Christ is that He is in complete and utter control.

But why do we love? What is the meaning of this? Why wait?

Tim Keller, in his book The Meaning of Marriage, explains it precisely. He says:

“Within this Christian vision of marriage, here's what it means to fall in love. It is to look at another person and get a glimpse of what God is creating, and to say, "I see who God is making you, and it excites me! I want to be part of that. I want to partner with you and God in the journey you are taking to his throne. And when we get there, I will look at your magnificence and say, 'I always knew you could be like this. I got glimpses of it on earth, but now look at you!”

Another perspective of love is written by Elisabeth Elliot. She says in her book Let Me Be a Woman, that "Love knows no limits to its endurance, no end to its trust, no fading of its hope; it can outlast anything. It is, in fact, the one thing that stands when all else has fallen.”  If we are going to take this to the throne, as Tim Keller says, then love can outlast anything, because we will live eternally with a God who created love, who is love. 

So is it worth it? To wait for someone? Don't let the norm of casual dating, casual sex and shallow romance scare you. Crave something more--something deeper. Wait for someone where God is first and foremost in his/her life, where God's work in him/her is evident and transparent. Wait for someone who when you see them, you are able to say, "I want to be part of that. I want to embark on this journey with you, the journey we are taking to His throne." 

And no, true love on this earth will never be a fairytale ending. Until we are united with Christ it will always be a struggle.

We will never have it down, we will never get it perfect. But true love acknowledges that. True love is going to go through trials and difficulties, it's the result of sin. But it is also such a beautiful eternal thing. "True love is an experience forged in the fire of life. It is a lesson in patience and perseverance, with rewards that last a lifetime."

Unfailing Love

Do you know what is exhausting? Living your life trying to please man, trying to be loved by man. Because we are sinners and can't love one another perfectly. No, not even that perfect relationship you crave will give you that perfect love you desire. But do you know what is amazing? We have a God who can offer this to us.

Let's start in the Old Testament. God has always been pursuing his people, since the beginning of time. Failure after failure, trial after trial God still relentlessly pursues the Israelites even after they forsake him time and time again.

In Exodus 19:4 God says, "You yourselves have seen what I did to the Egyptians, and how I bore you on eagles wings and brought you to myself." Even when the Israelites denied an intimate fellowship with God, he still pursued them relentlessly.

Besides the people of Israel there are other various individuals whom God also pursued.

Job is one example. After having everything taken away, God did not leave him. Job cries "He has redeemed my soul from going down to the pit, and my life shall look upon the light." (Job 33:28) The story of Job, in the words of Elisabeth Elliot, shows how "God's story never ends in ashes." He is with us to the end.

The story of Jacob is one of God's relentless pursuing as well. In Genesis 32:26, Jacob says, "I will not let you go unless you bless me." The chapter is about him wrestling with God, and it wasn't until that night that he realized God's great and un-ending love for him--and he surrendered.

Jacob, Job, and the Israelites were not the only people who benefited from God's unfailing love. There was Noah, Samuel, Enoch, and David. The list could go on and on. There is a pattern in the Bible of God's consistent and evident love,  and a relentless pursuit of his people. It is mind boggling. How can such a powerful God have so much love for us?

David in the Psalms proclaims: " When I look at your heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars, which you have set in place, what is man that you are mindful of him, and the son of man that you care for him?" (8:3)

It is simply un-fathomable. The God who owns the stars wants MY heart. Wow.

My purpose in going back into the early history of the Bible is to show that our God is the same as He always has been. He is the same yesterday, today, and forever. (Hebrews 13:8)

In your life you will experience difficulties, failures, triumphs, joys, and sorrows. It’s inevitable in a world full of sin. But what a comforting thing to know that God's love is endless. When people fail you, when a relationship doesn't work out, or a friend lets you down, you can still know the HE loves you with an endless love. He has bought you. He has died for you.

For a while, I had a mindset that resorted to one of two things. Extreme vanity or self-loathing. I spent an un-healthy amount of time trying to be a people pleaser, sought affirmation and social status. It was a tiresome battle.  Then I realized I can never be loved perfectly by the people I'm surrounded by. But when I realized the depth of true love, perfect love, only offered by my savior, I was more than ok with that.

Tim Keller says it best. "To be loved but not known is comforting but superficial. To be known and not loved is our greatest fear. But to be fully known and truly loved is, well, a lot like being loved by God. It is what we need more than anything. It liberates us from pretense, humbles us out of our self-righteousness, and fortifies us for any difficulty life can throw at us."

We are fully known and loved by the God of the universe. If that isn't comforting then I don't know what is. He has shown his faithfulness throughout the ages. The creator of the universe wants you--and there is not anything you can give him but yourself.

Beauty in His Eyes

What is beauty? Is it the feeling I get in the mirror, and validation I get from what others think of me good or bad?

Beauty now has been re-defined to fit the world’s standard. It is the magazine cover of the perfect body; it is to achieve the impossible. It is nearly perfection. It is a leading falsehood that causes a lot of self loathing, comparison, and discontent.

Let me make this standard more personal. For the longest time I fell for that trap of un-realistic beauty, and it frustrated me and left me empty. I thought beauty was being the most beautiful girl in the room, and getting male attention etc. And this was an exhausting battle I could never win. It always seemed like someone was prettier than me. And so I surrendered.

Then I started paying attention to people. What made me attracted to them? What drew me to the people I loved and respected? What made them beautiful? People were most beautiful when they talked about something they loved with passion in their eyes. When they laughed and loved. There was something else that radiated past any physical beauty, and I envied it. And then I realized---it was Jesus seeping through their eyes, lips, and lives. It was then when I realized the essence of true beauty, it doesn’t start outward, but it begins inward. The people that are the most beautiful are the ones who radiate Christ and glow with a passion for him.

From then on I wanted to enhance my inner beauty. Of course I still take care of myself and like to look beautiful because I love dressing up and feeling pretty, but it is no longer a priority, and it is definitely not what reflects me. How do you do this though? Soak yourself in the scriptures. Spend time with the one who created beauty, the author of perfect beauty. Train yourself to let your affirmation come from Him. But first let's talk about the different kinds of beauty.

When I think of beauty, most often I think of the distinction between earthly beauty and righteous and pure beauty. I speak specifically of earthly beauty and Godly beauty, because the desires of one is wrong and the other is not. The desire to pursue God is good and righteous, a beautiful thing. The desire to pursue physical beauty for solely your happiness and affirmation is wrong. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be beautiful. I enjoy putting effort in the way I look, I'll admit it. But when it turns to envy and discontent that's when earthly beauty is disease. And that's where it hit home with me.

To be more explicit, earthly beauty was to me that magazine cover in the shopping line. That perfect photoshopped unrealistic body that I craved. And it was the false hope of happiness it guaranteed once I had it. It was never going to be good enough for me. No shade of lipstick made me feel as pomp and glam as I wanted. I just fell short--I wasn't Miranda Kerr and I sulked because of it. As shallow as it sounds--the world gave me this false sense of beauty. And I was un-happy. However, I am not trying to bash beauty such as makeup etc. I'm simply linking a discontentment to putting so much effort in it, and not enough on God. And I was truly unhappy in finding my worth in something other than Him.

Beauty is something sacred in the Bible, but not a means of fulfillment. It is a gift that God has given us, not an idol. In Ecclesiastes 3:11, Solomon recognized this. He acknowledges beauty and writes that, "He has made everything beautiful in its time." Also, in Song of Solomon, Solomon rejoices in his wife's beauty. (4:7) Outward beauty is a gift, but it should not validate us, there is much more. It should not be the main thing we aspire for because it will never make us happy.

Peter knew the value of internal beauty while also realizing the external. In Chapter 3 of 1 Peter he says, "Do not let your adorning be external, the braiding of hair and putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear-but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle an quiet spirit which in God's sight is very precious." (1 Peter 3:3-4)

There is usually a misconception here that Peter is policing what women should or not do with their hair, but what he's really concerned with is their attitude. This is KEY. It is who we ARE as Christians that make us beautiful. The combination of faith, love, and righteousness in the Lord is what is beautiful. The outward adornment is of a lesser thing, and it can still be present, but true beauty should come from within.

So how do we do this? How do we find joy in our inner beauty, true Godly beauty? How do we stop comparing ourselves to the world? By spending time with God. Worshiping him. In simply doing the good works God has commanded of us. Because this is an opportunity for God to shine through you and use you. This is beautiful. We will not experience true joy until we have immersed our lives with His. And then you will find yourself less and less wanting surface things because you are so grounded and content in Christ, something so eternal. Of course it won't be perfect and you'll be tempted, but you have a perfect savior to turn to. But I promise you, start spending time in His word and you will come to realize this peace that surpasses all understanding that only he can give. In Philippians 4:7 Paul talks explicitly about this peace, only found when we rest assured in him.

And no good works are not what win us favor and salvation in God's eyes, we already have it. Ephesians 2:1-9 makes that very clear. Good works are simply out of thankfulness and love for a God so gracious. If we love God, we will obey his commandments. (John 14:15). And those things are lasting, because you can practice them your whole life and get so much contentment and joy out of knowing that you are serving your creator. And these acts of thanksgiving and humble service are what make the people of God something beautiful. To know we have a God who loves us so much we can't help but repay him.

At the core of our being is a longing for something more. We were made for Christ, to love and serve Him, and when we try to find affirmation in things apart from Him, we feel empty. But it is never to late to come to him. He wants all of you. (Jeremiah 33:3) The key to true beauty is realizing that Christ is a necessity. Let Him use you, radiate through you. And as soon as you have that realization, everything you do will be done for Him. And that? That is beautiful.